I apologize for any grammatical and vocabulary mistakes which might sore your eyes. English is the official language in my country, but we speak more French. Thank God spell check exists.

I woke up this morning and already something was bugging me. I could not understand what it was until I got on the scale. The figure I saw was one I never reached before in my entire life and it started to freak me out. I knew I would eventually have to confront such a situation, but I am as good at making excuses as at shifting issues in a part of my mind which would surface when a maximum degree of helplessness is felt. I knew all along that I needed to start taking care of my body, and even more since I started to put on 1 Lbs/week. But again the excuses; I was invited to a girls out, which meant alcohol and pasta with rich creamy sauce, I needed new shoes to start working out, when the new shoes were bought, I needed to download the newest fitness video and when the video was here, I didn’t have much time…It would go on and on like this and nothing would be done.

I am not the type of girl to worry much about my body since I am lucky enough and have always had positive responses from men, no matter how much I weighed. To be honest to myself, my mind was stuck on a body which I didn’t see since a long time. So, every time I looked into the mirror, I’d see something else as my actual frame. If anyone did not like my body, I just didn’t care. I am that self-confident. The thought of not being able to wear my favorite clothes was not enough of a motivation to make me sweat out the fat. Dress too tight – goes in a corner of my closet, waiting for better days. Better days which unfortunately never came since a few years. I’d buy clothes fitting my actual silhouette and try to make the most out of it.

Most posts I have read about women trying to lose weight were always related to the fact that they wanted to look good in what they wore or feel healthy and energetic. OK, maybe I would think of stuff like this too and tell myself I needed give it a go. The whole idea only remained a thought at the end of the day and I ended up eating even more each time (yes, I’d tell this to myself several times a month) because – I suppose – I subconsciously thought of that meal as being the last big fat meal before entering a whole new phase of counting calories or eating kids’ portion.

So what is it that’s making me change my mind after so long? The appealing thought of showing off my bikini fit body next summer instead of a baby bump (unfortunately, I’m not pregnant!)? No. The reason is very trivial. I don’t know if you will relate if you have ever been overweight in your life. For me, this is even worse than trying something on in a shop and having to tell the salesgirl eagerly waiting outside the cabin that it doesn’t fit. The reason is that I want to add some lifespan to my shoes. Yes, for the sake of my shoes. I am a shoe lover, like most I guess; I cannot walk by a shoe shop and not stop for a look. This activity which brought so much joy in my life became a source of frustration. After 2 pregnancies and several weight gains, the parts of my body which suffered the most are my feet. People would tell me that they would not have known I was pregnant, looking at me from the back. Well, I guess, they’d get the confirmation when looking further down at my feet. I never had big issues with water retention or varicose veins but my feet could simply not hold that much weight. I’m 26 and carrying some 209 lbs around. My shopping ritual has changed drastically ever since. Instead of going for the pumps and stilettos which would add up some grace to my ankle line, I’d end up buying the same wedges over and over again in different colors as long as the stock was there. After successfully squeezing my feet in I would finally feel comfortable after a few days of wearing them. I would not trust myself in heels again, except for girls’ nights out or clubbing. I have seen too many heels smashed up under my happy hippo mass.  Somehow I could get along with it. Don’t, get me wrong. I like wedges. They can be very sexy too and more comfortable to wear than high heels during your daily life routines. BUT my wedges would last 2 months if I was lucky, after which the sole started wearing off, leaving way for public humiliation of walking up the stairs at work in front of judging eyes or self-consciousness issues. After all, you can tell a man by his shoes. I envy the girls who show up at work with different shoes every week, in different styles. They look so graceful, sexy and even more professional in them. I instead would be wearing my red wedges, regardless of the fact that they do not match with the rest.

Now that hubby is coming back from a long stay abroad and bringing some of the cutest pumps and ankle boots I have ever seen, I cannot waste more time. As soon as he is here, we are going to start the journey to a new healthy body together. What I did not tell him though is that I would not dare wearing these shoes with my actual weight. I don’t want to ruin the shoes. We did not think of any particular diet. We’d rather control our food and try to eat balanced meals, which in my case is extremely difficult considering my work shifts. But if I don’t start preparing my mind for the change, I will end up as a depressive before 30. I cannot afford that. I have two kids I love above all and they deserve the best.

I do not know if losing my extra pounds will help my feet (they are large and always seem to be flooding out of my shoes in their actual state) but I know that a cousin of mine ended up with slimmer feet after shedding her unwanted pounds. Funny, isn’t it? Well I hope this will be my case too and I can’t await the opportunity I will have to shop at Aldo’s without worrying about the shame of not fitting in the shoes. Anyway, if they do not fit, at least I’ll be satisfied with the slimmer body.

It is definitely high time to take things in hand, or better said, feet!

I would gladly read your comments and similar experiences.